Incomplete
by NatesDate
Summary: Harry is out of town at a conference and Ruth falls ill. Set late S5, ignoring 5.5. Six chapters total.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer:** Spooks belongs to Kudos and the BBC. Despite what may happen in this story, I still think I treated them nicer than a certain someone from Kudos whose name rhymes with Lane Weatherstone.

**A/N:** This is posted today in honour of Nicola Walker's 45th birthday and the final chapter will be posted on Ruth Evershed's 45th birthday. (Yes, we now know that Nicola and Ruth do not have the same birthday, despite reports otherwise.) This story has been sitting mostly complete on my flash drive since earlier this year but the ending eluded me. As I write this, it's still not quite complete, but I'll get it there. There have been a couple other stories with similar storylines; I assure you it is entirely a co-incidence. I hope you will read, review, and enjoy the story.

Finally, I was working on something else that I'd planned to post in honour of theoofoof's and Sparky75's birthdays earlier this month, but my muse went on holiday and it simply didn't happen, so this story is for you ladies as well. Happy Birthday!

* * *

_Friday Afternoon_

Ruth felt awful.

The feeling of not being quite right had been building the past few hours since her early lunch with Harry. Initially she'd tried to put it out of her mind because if she went home she'd think about all the work she'd have to catch up on. But she couldn't ignore this any longer. Whatever bug she'd caught was doing a number on her so she decided that just this once it would be okay to use some of her accrued sick time and leave a bit early. She wasn't on the roster for this weekend, so maybe after a night's sleep she could come back to the Grid for a few hours and catch up.

Having made the decision to do just that, she closed the open files on her desktop and locked the sensitive files in her desk draw as Malcolm happened to walk by.

"Malcolm, do you know where Adam is?"

"Left the Grid an hour or so ago. He should be back by the end of the day." He paused as he noticed her pale face and pained expression. "Ruth, are you all right? You look like you don't feel well."

"You're right, I don't feel well. I know it's a bit early but I'm going home. Can you let Adam know? I'm sure a night's sleep will do wonders, so I'll come in tomorrow," she said.

Malcolm noticed that she was moving slowly. "Do you want me to call you a taxi for a ride home?"

Ruth scoffed at the idea. "I'll be okay. Besides, a taxi ride in Friday afternoon traffic will take just as long as the bus."

Malcolm wasn't convinced but he knew he wasn't going to change her mind. "Please call me when you get home so I know you made it safely."

Ruth smiled as best she could. "I'll do that, Malcolm."

Thirty minutes later, Ruth exited the Tube station and walked the block to Harry's house. Her co-workers didn't know it, but she and Harry had been seeing one another for the past six months. Her initial concerns about the reaction of her co-workers and the possible accusation from others that she was sleeping with boss to get ahead were the main reason for their secrecy. That feeling had passed quickly but they'd decided that having this time to themselves would help solidify their relationship without the constant curiosity from their friends. Harry had raised the idea of slowly sharing their relationship with a few select co-workers and Ruth found that the idea didn't terrify her, which she took as a good sign. They'd planned to discuss it on Sunday and decide who to tell and when.

Entering Harry's house, she was greeted by an enthusiastic Scarlet, who was happy to have company. Harry was out of town for a two-day meeting between heads of various departments at Five, Six, GCHQ, and other agencies who worked in national security. Rather than uproot Scarlet to hers for the weekend, Ruth chose to stay at Harry's home as her flat didn't have a fenced garden for Scarlet to roam nor a park nearby in which to take Scarlet for a walk.

After settling Scarlet with a trip outdoors and bit of food, Ruth curled up on the sofa with a cup of tea and a book. She had no appetite and was a bit nauseous, so she wondered how Harry was feeling. She had eaten a chicken salad sandwich for lunch and suspected that food poisoning was the culprit. She also knew from past experience that the sick feeling would pass eventually. Enough time had passed to equal the journey to her home on the bus so she called Malcolm and let him know that she was home safely.

Ruth dozed off and awoke to her mobile ringing on the coffee table. She reached over and greeted the caller with a groggy greeting.

"Are you all right? You sound like you've been sleeping," Harry said.

Ruth tried to stifle a yawn. "I was sleeping. I've felt terrible most of the afternoon so I left the Grid a bit early and fell asleep on your sofa. I think it was that sandwich I had at lunch."

"Will you be okay on your own? Do I need to come home?" Ruth was touched by the obvious concern in his voice.

"It's just a bit of food poisoning. I'll feel awful for 12 hours or so and then I'll be fine. I should be on the mend by the time you get home late tomorrow. Scarlet is here to keep me company; really, I'll be fine," she said.

They continued to chat for a few minutes while Harry was on a break from his meeting. Before he hung up he made her promise to call him later that night to check in if she was awake. Ruth decided it was time to head up to bed as she'd be more comfortable and slightly closer to the bathroom when the inevitable hit. She filled a large drinking glass with water before heading upstairs. Climbing the stairs exhausted her and she barely had the energy to strip out of all of her clothes save her vest before crawling in bed and falling asleep.

Ruth woke the next morning in a sweat with sharp stomach pains. She dragged herself to the bathroom to use the toilet and noticed that her menstrual cycle had started. Given its very irregular nature, the idea that her feeling unwell may not be food poisoning but rather cramps took hold. Ruth mentally thanked Harry for giving her a drawer in his bathroom in which to keep some things, so she was prepared. Grabbing a few ibuprofen tablets from the cabinet above the sink she made her way back to bed, thankful for the glass of water she'd brought up the night before. Knowing it would take some time for the drugs to take effect, she climbed into bed and drifted back to sleep.

Two hours later Ruth woke once again to more pain than she ever imagined. She struggled to sit up and the half-full glass of water felt as though it weighed a tonne. She had a strong urge to use the toilet but upon getting out of bed she found she could barely stand on her own. She slowly moved along the bed and around to the end until she had about six feet of space to cross to the bathroom door. She leaned against the footboard for a few seconds before attempting to cross the open space. She nearly made it but faltered and fell to her knees just short of the doorway. Ruth put her hands to the floor in front her to steady herself and wished that she'd grabbed her phone. She crawled into the bathroom before collapsing on the floor and losing consciousness.

* * *

Harry decided to forgo the last few bites of breakfast so he could avoid spending any more time than was absolutely necessary with several of the people in attendance at the sessions. Once back in his room he called home, hoping to speak with Ruth. She'd not called the night before and he hoped that meant she'd had a good night's rest. When she didn't answer he ended the call and tried her mobile, still not getting an answer. He left a brief message before calling the Grid to check in and heard from Zaf that all was running smoothly. Harry commented that Adam had mentioned Ruth's early departure when they'd spoken the night before so he casually asked about her, but Zaf noted that she wasn't on the Grid. Harry made up some excuse for Ruth to ring him when she arrived and Zaf agreed to pass along the message.

Harry sat for a moment looking at his phone, willing it to ring. When that didn't prove successful he realized that Ruth was likely on the Tube on her way to work and that if he didn't hurry up, he'd be late for his next meeting.

* * *

Zaf walked back to his desk with a fresh cup of coffee and his eyes glanced at Ruth's still-empty desk. Realizing that she'd not yet come into the office, he rang her at home to pass along Harry's message. After no answer on both her home and mobile numbers, Zaf visited Malcolm in the tech suite.

"Malcolm, have you talked with Ruth today?" he asked, intentionally keeping his tone light.

"I have not. Is she here?" he asked.

Zaf shook his head. "No. Harry called earlier to check in and asked that she call him. I've just realized she's not here nor is she answering her home or mobile phone." As he spoke, Zaf realized he was likely over-reacting. "It's just that Adam said she wasn't feeling well yesterday."

"I hate to say it, but she looked terrible when she left here yesterday afternoon. She called to say she arrived home, but now that you say she's not answering her phone I'm a bit worried about her," Malcolm said. "It's not like Ruth to ignore the phone." Spinning around in his chair, he roused his computer from sleep, opened a program and selected Ruth's name from a drop-down box. After a few more clicks he turned back to Zaf.

"I'm going to locate Ruth's mobile. Hopefully she's just on the bus and will be here shortly to chew us out about invading her privacy," he said. No sooner than the words left his mouth than the computer beeped. Malcolm spun back around and Zaf looked at the screen over his shoulder.

"Malcolm?"

"Yes, Zaf?"

"Is your computer telling us that Ruth's mobile is at Harry's home?"

"Yes, it is."

Zaf nodded, unsure exactly what to do next.

"Malcolm?"

"Yes, Zaf?"

"I have a feeling something's not quite right here."

"I'm afraid you may be right. I'm calling Adam."

"No, call Harry's house first."

Neither man spoke as they listened to the phone ring and then go to voicemail.

Zaf paused before speaking again. "Let me go over to Harry's first. You said yourself that Ruth was ill. She's probably sound asleep and will absolutely hate it if we blow this out of proportion. I'll pick up Jo on my way; if Ruth's been sick she may not want me helping her. I'll call Adam with an update once I'm at the house."

Malcolm nodded in agreement. "I'll call Joanna for you and let her know you'll pick her up shortly."

Zaf acknowledged the information with a wave of his hand.

Forty-five minutes later, Zaf parked his car down the street from Harry's home.

"Are you sure we should be doing this?" Jo asked.

"No, but what if she needs help? Harry won't be back from his meetings until this evening. I know we joke on the Grid about what their real relationship is, but I'm not doing this to be nosy. Ruth was sick and it's not like her to ignore the phone. I just want to know that she's okay and whatever relationship she has with Harry will go no further than us. Okay?"

"Agreed," Jo said as they exited the car.

Before he left the Grid, Malcolm had given Zaf a key to Harry's house and the code to his security system. The quickest way to alert Harry that something may not be right was to try and pick the lock on his door or bypass the security system and Zaf was still hoping this was a case of an ill Ruth soundly sleeping.

The pair hadn't both made it through the door before they were greeted by an enthusiastic Scarlet. Jo bent down to pet the excited pooch before Scarlet bolted out of the room. Jo followed her into the kitchen and saw Scarlet sitting at the rear door.

"Now I know why you're excited to see someone; you need to go outside." Unlocking the door, Jo looked through the window and noted the fenced garden. She opened the door and Scarlet raced outside, happy for the opportunity to do her business.

Jo moved back to the hallway as Zaf stepped out of the lounge. "Everything looks okay here," Zaf said. "She's probably upstairs sleeping. Will you check on her?"

Jo nodded before quietly ascending the stairs. She peeked her head into the first door and found an empty guest room. The next door was a bathroom and the last door was obviously the master bedroom. Jo first noticed the rumpled linens and smiled to herself, realizing that Ruth was here. She looked to her right and noticed a partially-open door, which Jo presumed was the en suite and Ruth's current location.

"Ruth?" Jo asked in a quiet voice. She hoped Ruth wouldn't be too mad when she discovered Jo in the bedroom. There was no answer and Jo noticed she wasn't hearing any noise from the bathroom either. As Jo moved towards the door, she glanced back at the bed. A dark spot on the pale linens caught her attention. Jo moved closer to look and realized it was blood. She looked from the bed to the bathroom door and realized there was a trail of blood on the floor as well, something she'd not noticed due to the dark wood. Jo began to panic and pushed open the bathroom door.

"Oh my god. Zaf!" Jo shouted, before adding in a quieter voice, "Ruth!"


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer:** Spooks belongs to Kudos and the BBC.

**A/N: **Thank you for your reviews. I hope you'll be kind enough to leave another.

* * *

_Previously..._

_"Ruth?" Jo asked in a quiet voice. She hoped Ruth wouldn't be too mad when she discovered Jo in the bedroom. There was no answer and Jo noticed she wasn't hearing any noise from the bathroom either. As Jo moved towards the door, she glanced back at the bed. A dark spot on the pale linens caught her attention. Jo moved closer to look and realized it was blood. She looked from the bed to the bathroom door and realized there was a trail of blood on the floor as well, something she'd not noticed due to the dark wood. Jo began to panic and pushed open the bathroom door._

_"Oh my god. Zaf!" Jo shouted, before adding in a quieter voice, "Ruth!"_

**Chapter Two**

Jo rushed to her friend's side and rolled her onto her back, looking for the injury. A moment later she heard Zaf's heavy footsteps entering the room.

"Call 999! She needs an ambulance."

Zaf dialed his phone but the sight of Ruth covered in blood momentarily struck him dumb.

Jo continued to check Ruth over as Zaf relayed the address and tried to answer the operator's questions. Ruth was roused to consciousness as Jo felt for and found a weak pulse on Ruth's neck.

"Ruth, its Jo. An ambulance is on its way. Do you know what happened? Did someone hurt you?"

"Harry," Ruth moaned in a barely-heard whisper. "Hurts so bad," she said as she tried to roll back to her side, curling up her body.

Jo stood and grabbed a dressing gown from the back of the door and draped it over Ruth, giving her some privacy.

Zaf poked his head around the corner. "I'm going downstairs to wait for the ambulance. I tried calling Harry but he didn't answer so I'll call Malcolm instead. Will you ride with Ruth to hospital?"

Jo nodded. "Yes."

Zaf dialed Malcolm's number as he quickly descended the stairs and headed out the front door just as Malcolm picked up the phone. "Malcolm, you need to call Harry. An ambulance is on its way to pick up Ruth."

"What? Zaf, what's wrong?" Malcolm asked.

"Don't know. Ruth was upstairs in a bathroom and there's a lot of blood. She wasn't conscious when we arrived but she woke up for a moment with Jo. I'll let you know where they are taking her but get a hold of Harry!" Zaf ended the call as he saw the ambulance make the turn onto Harry's street.

Jo heard the siren grow louder as it approached the house and less than a minute later the quick and heavy footfalls pounded the stairs.

"In here!" she yelled to the paramedics.

A man and a woman entered the bedroom, following Jo's voice, and introducing themselves as Gus and Hope. She moved out of the way to allow them access to Ruth and answered their questions as best she could but she still felt helpless. The paramedic's conversation was primarily medical jargon that Jo couldn't follow so their question to her caught Jo off guard.

"How far along was she?" Gus asked.

Jo blinked in confusion. "How far along was what?"

"We suspect Ruth is having a miscarriage with complications. Did you know she was pregnant? Do you know how far along she was?" he asked again in a patient and calm voice.

Jo shook her head. "I had no idea she was pregnant. I don't even know if she knew."

"Okay. We can't get the stretcher up the stairs so I'm going to carry her down. Are you coming with us?"

"Yes. I don't know how quickly the father can get here; he's out of town at the moment and I don't want to leave her alone."

Hope smiled at Jo as she picked up their equipment bags to head downstairs.

Jo followed her down the stairs. "Where are you taking her?" Jo asked. "My friend needs to call the father," she said.

Zaf overheard the statement but before he could say anything Hope replied, "We're taking her to St Thomas' Hospital. Do you know where that is?"

Jo and Zaf both nodded. "I'll be right out to ride with you," she said as Hope and Gus finished strapping Ruth to the stretcher just outside Harry's front door. "Zaf, they suspect Ruth is having a miscarriage with complications. Harry needs to come to the hospital now. Don't forget to let his dog in and call me once you know something," she said as she ran out the door to the waiting ambulance.

* * *

Harry checked his watch again and found that time was not moving nearly fast enough. Not for the first time he wondered why this discussion needed to held at a location two hours outside of London and over the course of two days. In his opinion, a couple of hours at Whitehall should have been sufficient.

He'd seen the missed call from Zaf but as there was no message, he assumed that whatever it was wasn't urgent or he had found an answer elsewhere. When the priority flash came through from Malcolm, he knew he it couldn't be ignored. Thankfully the session was just ending so Harry moved towards the door, dodging those who looked like they wanted to chat. Once in the corridor, Harry found a somewhat secluded nook that would give him some privacy. He dialed Malcolm's number and was caught off guard by Malcolm's lack of a greeting.

The next seconds passed in a blur for Harry. The words "Ruth," "blood," and "hospital" were on repeat in Harry's mind until he found his voice and asked Malcolm to send the information to his phone. He then called his driver and told him to prepare to leave immediately as Harry dashed up to his room on the first floor. He'd finished packing before breakfast and was able to grab his bag and his coat before racing down to the hotel entrance, exiting just as Mike pulled the car up to the door. Harry directed him to get back to London and to St Thomas' Hospital as soon as possible.

* * *

Jo and Adam sat in the surgical waiting room, even though the nurses wouldn't tell them anything other than Ruth had been taken in for surgery. Zaf had called Adam on his way back to the Grid and he'd decided that Jo could do with a little company while she waited for word on their friend and colleague since Zaf was needed back on the Grid. Before Adam arrived Harry had called and spoken to Jo about what happened. He'd peppered her with questions she didn't have answers for and then asked her to stay at the hospital until he arrived.

If Harry hadn't been stuck in the back of a car headed for London he'd have been pacing, and not in a good way. He'd called Jo to find out what happened and he could hear in her voice the sorrow that she didn't have more answers. Ruth's next of kin was her mother, whom the hospital hadn't been able to get a hold of so the medical staff was proceeding with standard procedures. Harry's mind had raced with scenarios to explain Ruth's situation but a miscarriage was not one of his variables in the equation.

Their relationship turned sexual after a couple of months and they were delighted to find themselves quite compatible. They enjoyed learning about each other's preferences and the experience helped them to learn to communicate better with one another. One thing they definitely discussed and used was protection, though they also both knew that nothing was 100%. They hadn't reached a point in their relationship where discussions about long-term plans like marriage and children had taken place, so he didn't know whether she even wanted to have kids. Long ago he'd adopted the 'been there, done that' attitude towards having more children, given what a mess he'd made of Catherine and Graham's lives.

He thought back over the past few weeks, looking for any signs he may have missed that Ruth was pregnant. She'd not been sick, at least that he was aware of, but she'd been tired, something he'd written off to their busy schedule. He began to wonder if she knew she was pregnant and if so, why she hadn't told him, though none of that now mattered. He only hoped that Ruth would be fine and that whatever happened wasn't going to take the decision about future children completely out of their hands.

After what seemed like the longest 100 minutes of his life (he made a mental note to reward Mike with a bonus for shaving at least 20 minutes off the travel time) the car pulled up in front of St Thomas' hospital and Harry wasted no time in getting out and once inside, asking for directions to the surgical waiting room. He meandered through a maze of corridors before spotting Jo and Adam, who both stood when they saw him approach.

"Any news?" he asked bluntly.

"A nurse stopped by a few minutes ago to say the procedure went well and they would be wheeling her to recovery shortly. I told her that the baby's father would be arriving soon and would want an update, so she was going to tell the consultant," Jo said before she bit her lower lip. "I hope I didn't overstep by saying that."

Harry shook his head. "No, Jo, you didn't." He reached up and patted her lightly on the shoulder. "Thank you for finding her and staying here with her. This has all been a rather… big surprise for me as well," he added.

Adam opened his mouth to ask a question but was interrupted by a scrubs-clad woman stepping into the room.

"Are you here for Ruth Evershed?" she asked.

Harry turned quickly. "Yes, I'm Harry Pearce, her partner and the baby's father. Can you tell me what's happened?"

The woman nodded and stuck out her hand. "I'm Ms O'Neil and I operated on Ms Evershed." Harry reached out and shook her hand. "Please come with me next door and I'll fill you in on what happened."

Harry nodded and turned to Jo and Adam.

"We'll wait for you, Harry," Adam said, giving his boss and friend an encouraging smile.

Harry followed Ms O'Neil to a consultation room nearby. Once they were both seated at a small table, she began her explanation.

"Mr Pearce, how much have you been told about Ms Evershed's condition?"

"Just that she was found unconscious at my home this morning, there was a lot of blood, and that the paramedics suspect she was having a miscarriage," he said.

Ms O'Neil nodded. "Ms Evershed was pregnant, though she suffered a miscarriage."

Harry simply nodded in response.

"Mr Pearce, can you tell me how far along your partner was?"

Harry gently shook his head. "I didn't even know she was pregnant."


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer:** Kudos and the BBC still own Spooks. And if Spooks: The Greater Good doesn't make it to a theatre near me in the States, I may have to channel my inner Harry Pearce and cause some trouble.

**A/N:** Again, thank you for your kind words and reviews. This chapter is a bit heavy in the medical details of miscarriages, so if that's a sensitive topic for you, I suggest skipping the first few paragraphs.

* * *

_Previously:_

_"Mr Pearce, can you tell me how far along your partner was?"_

_Harry gently shook his head. "I didn't even know she was pregnant."_

**Chapter Three**

The consultant smiled sympathetically at him. "I'm sorry for your loss, Mr Pearce."

"Thank you," he said before taking a deep breath. "On my way here, I thought back over the past couple of weeks and other than Ruth being a little more tired than usual, I didn't notice anything different. We work together and at the time we had a deadline for a project so everyone was putting in long hours; I assumed it was related to that." He paused for a breath before asking his next question. "Do you know how far along she was? It's just… I'm not sure whether she knew she was pregnant or not and I know she will ask me once she's awake."

Ms O'Neil folded her hands on the table in front of her. "Based on the size of the foetus, I would estimate Ruth had been between six and eight weeks pregnant. What I can't tell is exactly how long it's been since the foetus died. It can take somewhere between four and eight weeks for the body to expel the tissue and foetus, but that's only a guess." She paused briefly to allow him to absorb what she was saying.

"Miscarriage during the first trimester of pregnancy is rather common and usually has something to do with how the foetus is developing and not as a result of something the mother did or didn't do. Typically what happens during the miscarriage is that the placenta separates from the lining of the uterus and is then shed out of the woman's body. At this stage of pregnancy, the cramps from the uterus contracting are painful but not something that generally requires hospitalization. In the case of Ms Evershed, a piece of the placenta did not fully separate from the uterine wall, which led to heavier bleeding than normal."

"I was out of town for a work conference. I wasn't due home until later tonight," he noted. "If she hadn't been found…" Harry's voice trailed off, too horrified to continue.

The consultant nodded. "If she'd not been discovered until you arrived home, she could have developed a condition known as a septic miscarriage, which is quite serious. In this case, surgery was necessary to remove that remaining piece of placenta from her uterus and stop the bleeding. The procedure was successful though we did give her a blood transfusion and I've started her on antibiotics to ensure that no infections start as a result of this." Ms O'Neil paused in her explanation. "I know I've shared a lot of information with you. Do you have any questions for me?"

"She's going to be okay?" Harry asked, needing to hear it from the doctor herself.

Ms O'Neil smiled. "I believe Ms Evershed will make a full recovery, yes."

"Will she still be able to have children?"

"I don't believe that the miscarriage or the procedure caused any permanent damage. If she were to become pregnant again, she should ensure that her physician is aware of this incident so she can be monitored appropriately but I see no reason she can't have a successful pregnancy in the future," Ms O'Neil concluded. She paused a moment to let Harry digest the information.

The door to the consultation room opened and a nurse poked her head in. "Ms Evershed is in recovery now," she said. Turning to look directly at Harry, she asked, "Would you like to see her?"

Harry smiled in response. "I would like that very much," he said. "Ms O'Neil, thank you for everything."

"You're welcome. Once she's been moved back to her room and is fully awake I'll stop by and explain to her what we did during her procedure and answer any questions she has," she added. "I don't expect you to remember everything I've said so if you think of any questions, please let me know when I stop by."

Harry nodded in response before following the nurse through the door. As they approached the waiting room, he was reminded that Jo and Adam were still there waiting for him.

"I need to speak to my friends for a moment," he said. "Can you wait for me a moment?" he asked the nurse.

"Take your time. The recovery room is through those double doors there. Just stop at the desk and tell them you're there for Ms Evershed and they'll take you to her," she explained.

"Thank you," Harry replied as she walked ahead of him through the doors.

Adam and Jo stood to meet Harry.

"Everything going to be okay?" Adam asked.

Harry nodded. "She should make a full recovery." Adam and Jo both smiled at the good news.

"Stay with Ruth as long as you need," Adam said. "She needs you right now. The Grid will be fine."

"Is there anything else we can do for you, Harry?" Jo asked.

Harry exhaled as he thought about the question. "Ruth has a cat, Fidget. Can you go to her house and make sure he's been fed? Just leave some extra food in the bowl for him and make sure he has water. He's a friendly cat and won't give you any trouble."

Jo nodded. "I'll take care of it. If there's anything else you think of, please just call or text me. Give Ruth our best and tell her that if she feels up to having visitors tomorrow we'll stop by to see her."

"I'll let her know," Harry said before heading to the recovery room. "Oh, Jo and Adam?"

The pair paused in their walk towards the exit and turned back to Harry.

"Thanks for not asking why Ruth is… was pregnant and staying at my place."

"Go and be with her," Adam said before he and Jo turned to leave once again.

It took them 10 minutes to make their way out of the building and find Adam's car. Conversation had been limited to niceties such as thank you for holding open a door. Jo was the first to break the silence once they settled in the car.

"I'm going to run over to Ruth's place and take care of her cat before heading back to Harry's. I don't want him going home and seeing all that blood. The linens need to be changed, the bathroom cleaned, and Harry's dog could probably do with some attention as well. Do you think he'll mind?"

"If I was in his shoes I wouldn't want to come home to that. You'll need the key, though, so we'll go to the Grid first." After starting the ignition he turned to Jo. "We're not sharing the details of what happened today. All anyone needs to know is that Ruth became ill and was taken to hospital and that after emergency surgery, she'll be fine. What she and Harry choose to tell people beyond that is their business and no one else's. If anyone asks, Ruth was at Harry's house to look in on Scarlet. They don't need to know she spent the night," Adam said. Jo nodded in agreement before Adam pulled out of the space and heading back to Thames House.

"Did you have any idea they were seeing one another again?" Jo asked. "I've caught a few looks between them but after I opened my big mouth last time I wasn't going to say anything until they said something first."

"I had my suspicions, but nothing concrete. A couple of times I called Harry to come in and it took him much longer than it should have, given that he said he was at home each time. Another time I overheard him telling Malcolm about a new restaurant he'd tried. I thought it sounded good myself so I looked it up and it was on the other side of the city from his house, but not far from Ruth's, plus I heard her telling that gal from Section A about the place as well."

"Are there rules about Section Heads dating their officers? I know it's encouraged between officers, but that's not the same."

Adam shrugged. "Honestly, I don't know. There wasn't a problem for Fiona when… when she came over from Six."

Jo reached over and placed her hand on Adam's forearm, giving it a quick squeeze in a show of friendly support.


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer:** Spooks is owned and operated by Kudos and the BBC.

**A/N:** Thank you again for your kinds words and reviews.

* * *

**Chapter Four**

Harry followed the nurse back to where Ruth's bed has been placed. There were a number of other surgical patients in various stages of recovery, but Harry only had eyes for Ruth. He was alarmed at how pale she looked and another nurse, a young man who looked young enough to be Harry's son, noticed his expression.

"She's pale from the blood loss she suffered but she was given a transfusion during surgery so her colour will return soon."

Harry was still in shock as he looked towards the speaking voice.

"I'm Brody, a nurse who will watch over Ms Evershed as she comes out of sedation. Please let me know if you have any questions," he said. "There's a chair on the other side of her bed if you'd like to have a seat. Waking up after surgery is generally a slow process so we'll be here for a while yet."

Harry moved to the other side of the bed and gently enveloped Ruth's hand in his own. There was an IV in her left hand but her right was free, allowing him to hold it as he leaned forward and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead.

"Has she woken up at all yet?" he asked Brody as he sat down.

"She's showing signs that she's regaining consciousness, but she hasn't yet opened her eyes. Her vital signs are stable, so that's good." Brody's attention was drawn away from Ruth by another patient so Harry took the opportunity to whisper in her ear.

"I'm here, Ruth, and you're going to be fine. Take your time waking up, my love. I'll be here," he said before brushing his lips across her cheek. With nothing else to do at the moment, Harry sat in the chair and leaned forward, resting his forehead against her hand, and he waited.

* * *

Two hours later Ruth was settled in a private room. She still felt tired but at least she could keep her eyes open most of the time. Before leaving the recovery room she'd told Harry to take a break and find himself some real food. His stomach had loudly protested the lack of food which helped her make her case. She knew he wouldn't be gone for long, however and she was proven right when there was a light knock at the door before it opened.

"May I come in?" he asked.

"Of course you can," she said with a smile.

As he got closer to her bed, he asked what was so funny.

"You actually knocked. I thought you'd just walk right in as payback for all the times I've done it to you," she replied.

"I'm happy to see you feel well enough to joke around with me," he said as he pulled a chair closer to her bed.

"I'm still tired but I feel like I can stay awake for a while now." Harry nodded in response as he took her hand in his again.

"The nurse told me the doctor would stop by soon to tell me what happened," she said, noticing his sudden intake of breath. "Do you know what happened, Harry? Why did I need surgery?" she asked.

"Ruth, what's the last thing you remember, before waking up in hospital?"

Ruth closed her eyes and thought back. "I woke up very early this morning in a lot of pain. I made it to the bathroom and noticed that my period had started, so I took some drugs and went back to bed. Then I vaguely remember Jo saying my name and holding my hand and everything was moving and I just wanted it to stop," she said. She opened her eyes once again. "Was I in an ambulance?"

Harry nodded and proceeded to tell her what he'd learned from Jo; about how she didn't answer the phone and Jo found her and now she was here.

"Why was I bleeding so much, though?" she asked.

Harry kissed the back of her hand before answering. "You were having a miscarriage, Ruth, and you developed complications that caused you to bleed more than you should have." He gave her a moment to let his answer sink in before continuing. "The consultant said you were between six and eight weeks pregnant when the baby died, but that may have happened as long as two months ago." He paused again before asking the question he most wanted an answer to. "Ruth, did you know you were pregnant?"

She was about to verbalize an answer when a knock on the door preceded its opening.

"Ms Evershed, my name is Ms O'Neil and I'm the consultant who performed your operation. I'm glad to see you awake and your colour is much better as well. Do you feel up to talking about your procedure and what led to it?"

Ruth squeezed Harry's hand. "Yes. Harry was just filling me in a little bit about what happened. He said I was having a miscarriage and there were complications."

The consultant spent the next 15 minutes explaining procedures to Ruth and answering her questions. Harry recognized that despite everything she'd been through that day, Ruth was in analyst mode, collecting the data she would need to reach a conclusion. He didn't interrupt the conversation but simply sat by Ruth's side, holding her hand for support.

"How long will I need to stay in hospital?" Ruth asked.

"Provided you have no complications I see no reason you can't go home tomorrow. Your body does need time to recover so I recommend at least a week at home before returning to work. You'll tire easily these first few days but staying off your feet and eating healthy food will do wonders for your recovery. I suggest following up with your GP in six weeks or so to ensure that everything has healed properly and I would wait at least three months before attempting to become pregnant again," she added.

Ruth smiled and blushed lightly at the suggestion.

"I'll check in with you tomorrow morning," Ms O'Neil said. "Your pain medication is being administered through the pump on your IV. If you start having pain, please let your nurse know. Mr Pearce, it's nice to see you again. Did you have any questions for me?"

"No, but thank you for everything," he said.

"You're welcome," she added and with one final smile, she left the room.

Ruth exhaled heavily. She never expected when she crawled into bed last night that her suspected case of food poisoning was really a pregnancy gone wrong. She turned to look at Harry, who was watching her with such an expression of love that she nearly cried.

"What are you thinking?" he asked.

Before she could answer, a yawn escaped. "I'm not sure what to think. Is it okay if I take a nap?"

"Of course it is. You need the rest." Checking his watch, he made a decision. "If it's all right with you, I'm going to walk back to Thames House and check in. I'll be back in a couple of hours."

"What are you going to tell everyone about what happened to me?" she asked. "I guess our secret is out."

"Jo, Zaf, Adam, and Malcolm are aware that you stayed at my house last night and that you had complications from a miscarriage so yes, they know the truth. But I spoke with Adam while I was having a bite to eat and the official story is that you stopped by my house this morning to attend to Scarlet, became ill, and passed out. The reason for your hospitalization isn't being shared because it's no one's business unless you choose to tell them," he added.

Ruth squeezed his hand. "Thank you. I don't mind that people know about us; it's something I've been thinking about for the past few weeks and I was planning to talk to you this weekend about going public, but this isn't quite what I had in mind," she said.

Harry smiled. "No, I'm sure not. We can talk about it later and decide together what we want to share with our friends and co-workers." He stood from his chair and leaned over to give her a soft kiss on the lips. "You sleep, my love, and I'll see you in a few hours."


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: **Still owned by Kudos and the BBC.

**A/N: **Thank you for your reviews and your support.

* * *

**Chapter Five**

Ruth woke up to find the light in the room was fading and Harry dozing in the chair next to her, which made her smile. She thought of how tired he looked, even while sleeping, and she could only imagine the panic he must have felt when he received the call from Malcolm. A small rolling table on the other side of the bed held a water pitcher and glass, which Ruth was able to fill and drink. She wisely sipped at the glass, not wanting to make herself sick. Laying her head back, Ruth thought about the last few months and wondered how she could have missed the signs of being pregnant.

She remembered being extraordinarily tired shortly after the Newbegin operation wrapped up, but she'd assumed it was due to the long hours she put in and the fact that she and Harry had only been having sex for a few weeks. To say it was an enjoyable experience was an understatement so they had been taking every opportunity to enjoy themselves, she thought with a smile.

Other than that, she couldn't think of anything. Her cycles have always been irregular and due to bad reactions from birth control pills she's not able to regulate them. She tried to remember if there was a time she and Harry hadn't used protection but couldn't. She had a fleeting thought that Harry had forgotten one time and not said anything but she quickly dismissed the idea.

She and Harry hadn't discussed having children. They've talked about his kids a bit but the idea of whether they should have them themselves never came up. Given that they've not talked about marriage or long-term plans for life, it wasn't surprising.

But now that she knows she was pregnant; that in eight months she could have been holding a beautiful baby that would have been a blend of her and Harry and the reality of what she's lost hits her. She turned in the bed to face away from Harry and buried her face in the pillow as she cried tears for her lost child.

* * *

Harry was dreaming that Catherine and Graham were young once again. He was at a park with them, sitting on a bench and watching as they climbed the equipment and chased one another. He smiled at their joyful play and it wasn't until he tried to raise his arm and wave back at one of them that he realised he was holding something in his arms. Looking down, he gently pushed aside a blanket to give him a clear view of a sleeping baby. He glanced around, but there were no women nearby that might belong to this child. With a quick look to ensure that Catherine and Graham were still playing, he looked back down at the child and saw that its eyes had opened. Harry couldn't tear his gaze away from the small baby he was holding. Was this his baby? He knew that he and Jane didn't have a third child, so where did this baby come from? He moved the blanket aside a bit but the only clothing he could see was a white shirt, nothing to clue him in on the gender of the child.

Just as he was about to set the baby on his lap and check the diaper, someone sat next to him. He looked up to see Ruth seated on the bench next to him with tears in her eyes. Before he could ask her what was wrong, she was sobbing into her hands as the baby in his arms disappeared.

Harry opened his eyes, blinking several times to adjust to the light. For a moment, wasn't sure where he was. The soft glow in the corner from the machines reminded him that he was at the hospital with Ruth. It was then that he heard the sobbing from his dream and he realised it was Ruth crying. As his eyes adjusted to the light he could see that she was laying with her back to him, her body shaking as she cried. Harry quickly moved to the bed and lay behind her, wrapping his left arm around her waist.

"I'm here, Ruth," he whispered into her ear. He knew she needed to grieve this loss, they both needed to grieve, and so he simply held her as she cried. It wasn't long before the tears subsided somewhat and she rolled over, tucking her head under his chin and snuggling against his body.

"I love you, Ruth," he whispered and the tears began again. Harry held her close and cried tears of his own as they grieved the loss of their child.

Several minutes later their tears tapered off and they simply held one another.

"How are you feeling?" he asked quietly. "Your body, I mean…" he trailed off.

"Tired and sore, but no pain. The IV must be working," she added, her voice hoarse from crying.

"Good," he said. "I don't know what I'd have done," he said, not finishing the thought.

Ruth pulled back from his embrace so she could look at him. "I'm sorry I scared you," she said in a quiet voice. "I know I did, albeit unintentionally."

"I was terrified, but you've no need to apologize. I'm just relieved that you will be okay," he said, lifting his hand and brushing it down the side of her face.

There was a moment of silence before Harry spoke again.

"Do you want to talk about it or is it still too soon?" he asked in a quiet and gentle voice.

"It's okay," she said.

"What are you feeling right now?"

"It finally sunk in, you know, that if not for this I'd have had a baby later this year. Suddenly I saw this baby in my mind – half you, half me – and it hit just like that. Up until then it didn't feel real that I was pregnant," she admitted.

Harry nodded in understanding. "So much has happened in the past 12 hours. You weren't even aware that you had a baby to lose until you woke up a few hours ago. I'm sure there will be a lot of emotions you feel over the next few days or even weeks."

Ruth looked at Harry as he spoke and saw the tear tracks on his cheeks.

"Harry, it wasn't just me that lost a baby. You were this baby's father. How are you feeling?" Ruth asked.

"I suspect my emotions are similar to yours, Ruth. I really don't know how I'm feeling," he admitted. "The sound of you crying and the pain you were feeling was hard for me to hear. I don't want to see you in pain and it made me cry as well." He paused to consider his next question. "Have you ever thought about having kids, before all this happened?"

Ruth didn't answer right away and Harry decided not to push her, knowing this was a topic they would make time to discuss in the coming weeks.

"It's never really been an option before. You dodged a bullet with all this, though," she said in a quiet voice, her eyes lowered.

Harry's eyes widened in surprise before he realized that Ruth was giving him an out to the situation. Without saying a word he moved his hand to the back of her head and brought his face to meet hers in a kiss, trying to convey the love he felt for her.

"Ruth, I admit that I never thought there would be another opportunity for me to be a father or that I would even consider whether I wanted to be a father again. I was shocked when I found out you were pregnant and there was relief, but it was relief that you were going to be okay, not that you were no longer pregnant."

"We've talked some about the distant relationship I have with my children and when Jane and I divorced, I thought it was a good thing that I wouldn't be inflicting myself on any more children. But that was 20 years ago and now, with you a part of the equation, I think my answer would be different."

She looked up at him in surprise. "You've thought of us having a baby?"

"It's not something I've spent hours contemplating but I've considered the possibility. And you? You didn't answer my question before."

Ruth's face broke out into a slight smile before she responded. "It's something I've thought about but as I said, it was never an option with the few men I dated, for me anyway."

Harry smiled in return at her admission. "I think, once you've fully recovered from this experience, we need to talk about whether kids are something in our future."

Ruth yawned as she nodded in agreement.

"You need your rest. I'll let you have the bed to yourself so you can sleep. Then tomorrow you'll be free of this place."

After a brief discussion, it was decided that Harry would go home for the night and then he and Scarlet would stay with Ruth at her place until she was feeling better. He kissed her and held her briefly, thankful that she was still with him, and then he headed home.

* * *

Unlocking the front door, Harry was greeted by an excitable Scarlet.

"Oh goodness pup, did you miss me? I know you had some excitement while I was gone, didn't you?" he said to his dog as he crouched down to pick her up. She covered his face with kisses, obviously happy to see him.

"Are you hungry? Is that why you're happy to see me?" he asked as he walked into the kitchen with the dog. As he approached her bowls he noticed some food and a mostly full water dish. He was confused for a moment until he remembered that Jo and Zaf had been here this morning and must have taken the time to put food and water in her dishes.

He set Scarlet down and let her out into the garden before turning to his refrigerator and pulling out a few eggs and vegetables to scramble for a late dinner. He filled the kettle and turned it on before starting to prepare the food. It was only a short time later he sat down and enjoyed the feeling of warm food and tea filling his belly.

It wasn't until he climbed the stairs that the reality of what happened this morning hit and what he would likely see when he walked into his bedroom. He reminded himself that Ruth was fine and no matter what he saw that wouldn't change.

He reached in to flick on the light and was met by a bed that was neatly made. Pulling back the covers on the side of the bed that Ruth usually slept on he noticed that the sheets were clean with no traces of blood. He moved to the bathroom and found it clean as well, the faint odor of cleaning supplies lingering in the air.

Harry walked to his bed and sat down, picked up the phone on the nightstand, and called Adam.

"Harry, is everything all right?" Adam asked in lieu of a greeting.

"Fine, I think. I'm at home and my house is cleaned up. There's no sign that anything happened here this morning," he said.

"Ah, yes, that was Jo's doing. After we left the hospital, she went to Ruth's house to feed Fidget and then went back to your place to clean up. It was her idea; she didn't want you to come home and see the mess left behind," Adam explained.

"That was very kind of her. I'll be sure to thank her the next time I see her."

"How's Ruth feeling? I'm presuming she's still in hospital."

"Yes, she's still there but should be able to be released tomorrow. She'll need at least a week of recovery time. I'm planning to take a few days off this week to stay home with her."

"I'll ask Malcolm about setting up a secure laptop for you so you can keep up with what's happening on the Grid and I can stop by to deliver reports for your review," Adam suggested.

"I'll speak with him on Monday and work something out. I don't want Ruth to think that she should be working from home while she's recovering," Harry said.

Adam updated Harry on a few minor items before wishing him well and disconnecting the call.


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: **As noted previously, they aren't mine though I'd be happy to have the chance to tell Harry Pearce what to do. :-)

**A/N:** Thank you for the reviews and support you've given me during this story. This story has a personal connection for me in that I've been through several miscarriages, though none nearly as dramatic as Ruth's. Also, the paramedics from Chapter Two, Hope and Gus, are named in honour of two children that my friends lost during pregnancy. Hope passed away midway through the pregnancy and 11 months later Gus was lost just days before his due date. Amazingly, these people are now parents to two energetic and mischievous kids that keep them on their toes and fill their days with much love.

Finally, Happy Birthday to Ruth Evershed!

* * *

**Chapter Six**

_One month later_

Ruth was settled on the sofa with Fidget lying next to her, the animal purring at the attention from his owner. Harry was pottering around the kitchen, cleaning up after their dinner of pasta, garlic bread, and salad and, by the sounds of it, making tea.

She and Harry were planning to discuss their future tonight, something they'd agreed to do shortly after her miscarriage. She'd spent a week at home recovering, with Harry by her side the first few days. They'd cried about their loss, but had also smiled about the baby they could have had. What they hadn't done was make any long-term decisions. Both agreed that they needed to heal emotionally, and in Ruth's case physically, from the experience before discussing and making decisions about their future. Her emotions ran the gamut in the days following the miscarriage; one moment she desperately wanted to be pregnant again and the next she was certain she never wanted to have kids. She didn't know what she wanted but she realized that then was not the time to discuss their future.

Tonight though, was that night.

When Ruth had gone back to work, she wasn't sure what to expect, especially given that the team knew she and Harry were together. The expected awkwardness never materialized and Harry swore he'd not said anything to the team. She was greeted with hugs and smiles from her friends and she was treated as she'd always been, as one of the team. Jo later confessed that Adam impressed upon her, Zaf, and Malcolm the importance of protecting Ruth and Harry's privacy, which was already understood.

Even though she was a desk officer, work was more draining than she expected. She was glad to go back to work and keep her mind off what happened but she'd used a med room the first few days to rest after her lunch. She'd resisted the idea initially, but it was Sally Chapman who'd made the suggestion and once back at work, Ruth had to admit that she wasn't 100% ready for the long days on the Grid.

It was a moment later that he walked in with a tray complete with cups, biscuits, sugar, milk, and a pot from which steam was escaping out the spout.

"In case you are in the mood," he noted as he set the tray on a small table near a chair. He sat on the edge of the sofa next to her, just behind Fidget. He reached up to brush a lock of hair behind her ear and she grasped his hand, holding it in place against her cheek.

"I know I said this before, but thank you for everything you've done for me this past month." She turned her head and kissed his hand. "Just having you by my side has made me feel better."

Harry smiled. "I wouldn't want to be anywhere else."

"You were right about a lot of things…" she trailed off at the look on his face. "What?" she asked.

"You're admitting I was right? I need to write this down," he said jokingly.

"Very funny. Really, I thought I'd just go back to work like nothing had happened, but it wasn't that easy," she admitted.

"I know the feeling. I've been injured enough and often found it difficult to take the time to recover properly." He stopped at the odd look on Ruth's face. "What?"

"I was there when you checked yourself out of hospital AMA with a gunshot wound to your shoulder! 'Found it difficult to take the time to recover properly,' my arse. You have no idea how to recover properly."

Harry laughed. "Yes well, I'm rather good at 'do as I say, not as I do.' "

Ruth smiled at his admission, though Harry noticed it didn't reach her eyes.

"I'm glad we're going talk about what happened and whether that, well the pregnancy part, is something we want to repeat in the future." She looked up to Harry. "Have you thought about it?"

Harry nodded. "I have, yes. And you, are you ready to talk about it as well?" to which Ruth nodded in reply.

"Do you mind if I say something first?" he asked.

"Go ahead."

"This has been on my mind every day since it happened. I've thought about us, about Catherine and Graham, including how I was with them when they were kids as well as my relationship with them now. I realize this may sound like a cop-out, but I assure you it's not. If you feel strongly about us having a child in the future, I'm happy to do so. But if you decide that this isn't something you want, I'm okay with that, too. I want us to be together and to be happy and if that involves having kids together, then I look forward to doing my part," he said with a smile.

Ruth took a moment to absorb his words and to Harry's credit, he didn't rush her. She took a deep breath before she started to speak.

"My mind has turned this over and over as well. This past month I've experienced a strange feeling and I didn't know what it was. Suddenly, I see babies everywhere I look, it seems. I never used to notice them so much before. Of course then I see a screaming toddler having a temper tantrum and I'm reminded that smiling babies turn into little kids, then bigger kids who become teenagers." She paused and smiled back at him. "And just when I think it might be worth all that hassle to have a child I think about our jobs and the risks we both have accepted with those jobs and I wonder how I, how we can even begin to think about bringing a child into that situation."

Harry squeezed Ruth's hand in encouragement.

"I think I know what that strange feeling is and, well the only way I can describe it is that I feel incomplete. Despite everything that happened and all the challenges our life entails, I think I want to have a baby. I had a wonderful relationship with my father and I'd like the opportunity for that kind of relationship with my own child, but to be honest, the idea of being a mother does terrify me."

Harry smiled at her admission before pulling her into a hug. "Have we just decided to have a baby?" he whispered.

She laughed and released his embrace. "I think so, though there are a lot of other issues to consider as well. We've not been together that long, Harry."

"Ruth, I can honestly say that being with you feels right to me. The only thing I have to compare it to is my marriage with Jane, which I know isn't necessarily right, but I've changed a lot since I was that much younger guy and I hope that together we can continue this relationship. You are my better half; you help me to remember that there is good and decency in this world. When I'm not with you, I crave your presence and when we're together I feel like I'm prepared for whatever life throws at me because I know you will be there with me. I'd like for us to be married some day; not because I need to possess you but because I want to take that vow with you and publicly commit my life to you." As he spoke, Ruth's eyes glistened more and more until a single tear ran down her cheek. "Did I say the wrong thing?" he asked.

She smiled and the movement caused another tear to roll. "That was the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me. I love you, Harry Pearce," and she leaned forward to kiss him.

It was few minutes before they parted, sharing kisses and an embrace.

"Well, you have your check-up in a few weeks and the consultant said you should wait at least three months before we try again so I think we have some time to discuss how family life would work for us once we're parents. Does that sound okay? I don't want to feel like we have to work everything out tonight," Harry said.

"I agree and I think letting this decision sink in for a while before we make other decisions is good, too," Ruth added.

Harry pulled Ruth into another hug. "Speaking of kids, I called Catherine. After everything last month I realized I need to make a bigger effort with Catherine and Graham. She's back in London, doing finishing work on her latest documentary so we've set a date for dinner and I'd like you to join us."

It was easy for Ruth to see that this was important to Harry. "I'd love to have dinner with you and Catherine. Did you tell her about me and the miscarriage?"

"I did tell her about you but not the miscarriage. Not because I want to hide it but…" his voice trailed off.

Ruth squeezed his hand. "I know, Harry, and I agree that we don't need to share that right now. Someday, perhaps, but not yet."

"Yes. Anyway, I think you and Catherine will get on well and I'm looking forward to my two favourite women getting to know one another."

"Have you contacted Graham?" Ruth asked, certain that it had been sometime since Harry had spoken to his son.

He shook his head. "Not directly. I did tell Catherine she could invite him to join us, but I don't expect it will be that easy. Rebuilding my relationship with my son will take work, but I need to try. When I spoke to Catherine it sounded like she was going to be in London for a while, so I'd like to have a regular dinner date with her and keep inviting Graham. At least he will know he's always welcome to join us, if nothing else works."

Ruth smiled at Harry. "I'm glad you're making the effort; at this point it's all you can do." She leaned in and kissed him.

"I'm glad we had this talk. There are still things to be decided, but I feel better knowing we agree on this decision. Plus I'm really looking forward to all the practicing we'll have to do for getting pregnant," he said with a laugh as he leaned in to steal a kiss from the woman who was going to be the mother of his next child.


End file.
